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Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Memorable gifts for...

the wrong reasons.
My first serious boyfriend gave me 
a pair of the most gloriously soft 
white leather gloves...
I 'kid' you not!
Now anyone who knows me will tell of my oiky 
tendencies.  The passage of time has not soften my tell it like it is persona.
He got short shrift and returned with a gold cross and chain.  In the hope I suppose of redeeming my abrasive demeanour...
FAT chance!
And that reminds me, he even suggested on one occasion I should lose a little weight.  His fortune was told in very short order I seem to remember!
'If you don't like it, sling your hook!'
I slung it for him.
***
The decade birthdays seem to be especially memorable for 'pants' presents.
My fortieth heaving to was expected to be (foolishly by me, it turned out) an especial milestone.
A facial, every bit of the 39 year old bod got waxed, defluffed and buffed to mirror shine. In the hope of being wined and dined by the then farmer beau.  I didn't have much of an idea then of men of their ilk... I do now.
I was taken to meet some farming friends,their wives and children,to a pub in the middle of nowhere.  I spent the evening with the kids on the bouncy castle in the garden. At least with my smooth body I flew higher, further and faster than anyone else.
I should have known when he gave me a mini-tool set what to expect.  Never being the sharpest tool in the toolbox I was taken by surprise... worrying isn't it?
***
Next special birthday I organised my own bash... the only way!
***
The one after, through the post arrived a parcel, great excitement...
a shopping bag knitted out of dreary grey Sainsbury's carrier bags, not a Waitrose, Aldi, Liberty, Lidl, Harrods, Tesco carrier to lighten the drear.  Added to which the flaming thing had no handles...
yes you read that right...
No flaming handles!?!

I politely enquired as to no handles?
The reply...
'I did question the lack? 
No response from his wife!
A few days later some handles arrived knitted in the same monochrome plastic... Oh and three chocolates in a box...
No doubt to give me strength for the sewing task ahead?

Is it me I idly wonder?




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