Sunday, 10 February 2019

The elephant in...

the room hasn’t been told as yet that we are moving away.
I have put it off, expecting every day she would die!

On Thursday our faceTime call was all talk of how painful her legs had been and how the nurse said she should go into hospital.  No chance!  I am still getting it in the neck for the fateful day last August we took her in thinking she wouldn’t survive the journey, let alone be still here all these months later.  In a restaurant a week or two ago, she started on and was getting quite nasty laying the blame squarely on my shoulders.  Since my suspected TIA I have decided to keep myself safe, so told her I couldn’t be a party to her getting cross and rehashing what was definitely in the past.  She carried on: my cheeks lifted off the seat before she realised I was serious.  I could feel my BP on the up and in
my forthright way let her know 
 exactly how I was feeling.

I phoned last night and there was no reply.  All of a sudden I imagined all sorts of reasons as to why she wasn’t there. Has she been taken in and we don’t know? The guilt was playing havoc about how awful I had been.  A while later she was on faceTime looking and sounding rosy, not with cider, but with whiskey.

‘I have been out with the girls having a sundowner or two!’

She’s never out in the evening!

‘How are your legs?’ 

‘I haven’t even given them a second thought, bet I’ll have a hangover in the morning!’

As the call ended I thought...

‘I need a drink!’

Wouldn’t mind but I don’t drink!

And we still haven’t told her,  
and you know something, I’ve got a horrible feeling at this rate she will see me off this mortal coil!


  1. I went away earlier, so those wiser than I could resond. Well, they haven't. I would attempt a face to face, tell her, listen for a length of time mentally pre-determined, answer if indicated, then say good-bye and leave.
    I've done this. It can turn out better than expected. The trick is, you have to start.

    1. Wise words Joanne. Must confess I am walking side ways up to the problem. My fear of saying we are coming over to see her, she will be looking forward to our visit and then us hitting her squarely between the eyes with the news. Maybe drop it in the conversation before we go, although, it is not the sort of subject you can drop into a chat and not follow through there and then! I then imagine us driving away freeing free of the worry and her left devastated by the news. To me it seems like... a man or woman telling their partner that they have been cheating on them. Suddenly the burden is lifted from them and they feel a million times better, only to shatter the other person’s life!

      Start I will: I have no choice. I do know in my heart this friendship is for me becoming toxic and affecting my health.


  2. How much further away from her will you be after the move? Surely not too far to travel occasionally ?
    I often feel very guilty re the old lady who I help to look after.( Her dog lives with us) Sometimes she catches me unawares with a remark, and I get a bit cross/frustrated. It is down to her forgetfulness and I should be kinder !( I have told her several times over the weekend that I get her hearing aid batteries from a local hospital for her but she just can't remember!) So, I go home feeling bad for ages. I didn't volunteer to look after her, it just " happened".

    1. Five hours Frances... a long cross country way! The funny thing is, over the years I always seem to drop myself in it and worse that that I haven’t flaming well learnt from past experience. I must be a bit dim I’ve decided. In Ludlow I plan to walk around with my hands over my eyes, in order for folk not to know I’m there! Years ago in a lovely b&b in Lyme Regis, a permanent guest an old lady walked through the dining room doing just that. At the time I thought, she thinks we can’t see her... what a good idea! All these years later I think I will do the same!?! I am now that dotty old girl... sound like a plan?


    2. Sounds like a good plan if the plan is to trip over something cos you can't see where you are going!! These days I worry about falling over since I crashed down onto a hard road surface a few months ago. Luckily only bruised my hip and hand. The grandson (6) fell over twice on the way back from school to the car the other week. . He was sort of skipping sideways and luckily didn't have far to fall being only small!!

  3. I know what you mean. We're supposed to be going off to visit my youngest son in Australia next week,however given the circumstances of my dad we decided to put it off for a couple of weeks, fully expecting to have been to the funeral and sorted all the paperwork by then. My dad has now rallied and is doing better than anyone ever imagined so now we have a dilemma. Do we just go when we planned to and hope he remains stable (the hospital say he now might!) or do I stay with the delayed date (he might still be stable but will be two weeks further down the line), or do we put off going indefinitely. I had 'promised' my son we'd be there for his birthday this year in early March and I cannot for the life of me make a sensible decision about it. I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't. I think you are in a similar boat. If you don't tell till the last minute and she's really upset you'll feel bad but if you tell her now and she's upset you'll still feel bad. On balance I think you and I are going to feel bad one way or another so maybe a stiff drink and get it over with??? lol. Good luck. x

    1. Last May we cancelled a trip up to the Highlands where I lived many years ago. My then neighbours, two old batchelors were hugely looking forward to our visit, which we had to cancel because of Audrey, who needless to say is still here. I would say go as planned, easy for me I know. You also have the added problem of your brother and what he will do in your absence.

      I know I am stating the blooming obvious here, however I will! Your dad is coming to the end of his life, your son living half way round the world wants to see his old mum and who can blame him... GO!


    2. LOL thank you for that. A good kick up the bum is always good! x


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