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Saturday, 12 January 2019

As she bit into a...

biscuit our eyes met, just that! 
I walked away. The pound in my pocket for the supermarket trolley twitched.  Sod the trolley I thought as I walked back.  As I left I asked myself would I have done the same if she had just lit a cigarette?  A question saying more about me than her!

Audrey left an email to say she had taken herself out in the car to Hastings.  Those of you who have seen ‘The Favourite’ will know of the bandage encased legs of Queen Anne. With legs from toes to thigh royally swathed, I am sure Queen Anne couldn’t have jumped into her Skoda and shot off to the seaside! Audrey’s legs could be straight out of a sarcophagus.  Added to which her eyesight isn’t good and she has a constant feeling of falling backwards.  Apart from all of the above she is fine!?!
Is it any wonder after giving up alcohol, meditating for Nepal, my
blood pressure is off the scale
this morning?



The elephant in the room is we haven’t told her we are moving yet.  To be honest I didn’t think she would be here to see us go!
As all my friends say as I have a serious wobble about us leaving her.

‘She will outlive you... Go!’
Blooming hard though.  

11 comments:

  1. It's hard to know what to do. We have a similar problem although more temporary than yours in that, my dad has been very poorly since November - well actually he's been poorly much longer than that but in November he had what we think has been a stroke and went into deep dementia overnight. He's getting frailer by the day and he won't eat or drink enough and frankly we cannot imagine him lasting much longer. Our problem? We are going to visit our youngest son in Australia in February for a month and at the moment it feels like my dad won't last till we get back. I've told my son not to book anything yet as we may yet have to cancel but its hard on him and on us but what to do? We can't delay it indefinitely 'just in case' as he could rally and then what, do we spend the rest of the year staying here just in case? I've told my son we'll make a definite decision a fortnight before we're due to go. But as you say, its blooming hard! x

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  2. We are in a similar situation, minus the dementia. Audrey has been failing with two years of the most awful illnesses, one after the other. The not eating and drinking we thought might be the end? We cancelled a week in Scotland thinking she might die while we were away, that was back in May! The man did warn me of the repercussions when I got involved, me being me, took not one jot of notice. All I could see then was her as bright as a button and almost as wacky as me... what could possibly go wrong? A lot as it happened, she turned against us, when we were trying our hardest to help and support. That was when I really started to let it affect me. I could physically feel my BP rising as I struggled not to let her get to me. I had a suspected TIA a few months ago, the result, maybe of the strain of it all?

    My advice, for what it’s worth, is to go, easy to say I know, as I am on the receiving end of the same sage advice! Your father in his dementia world won’t know you haven’t been to see him for a while. You will though! If he dies when you are away, the funeral can wait for your return. Cold logic is so very clear, it is only when the old heart strings twang that mist descends.

    LX

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  3. It seems like a dilemma. I can speak with Audrey's voice. Go, go. Leave behind the other friends and neighbors, care takers, first responders who will step up. I fell in the middle of the night, scooted to my phone and called EMS. They came, picked me up, put me back to bed. It can all work.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Joanne. ‘I can speak with Audrey’s voice’ certainly was a powerful way to put it. She I know will say the same, although a huge part of me knows how hurt she will be. I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.

      LX

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  4. If Audrey has failing eyesight how can she still be driving?

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    Replies
    1. Her eyesight is affected by the tablets she is taking, she has had an eye test and has special glasses for driving. Friends, neighbours and us, have all given our thoughts on her continuing to drive at 94 with failing health. I have even said if you kill yourself you have had a full life, but you must consider that you could so easily kill or maim an innocent person or child. I am afraid to say she chooses not to listen.

      LX

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  5. Replies
    1. Audrey, is a chum/mum (born the year after mine) who I took under my wing. It’s a long story which I have covered in my blog; like you said the other day I think to one of my comments on your blog, you need to be a regular reader to know what’s what. Suffice to say when (and if) we do eventually move to Ludlow we won’t be there for Audrey. A blooming worry to say the least. Man says my health is more important, especially as I am allowing the worry to impact on me, not that I can help it, mind!

      LX

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    2. Thank you. I am not sure what the answer is. I assume she has a plan for old age and will survive with it and without you being on hand. You will still be on hand via phone and email and the very fact that she sent you an email about going to Hastings shows that she is independent and capable. You moving will probably be water off a ducks back.

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  6. My mother finally gave up driving aged 94. She made the decision after I had spent several years arguing with her about it. My brother and I would not have let her carry on anyway, but she did actually decide herself, which was a relief. Her argument was that she had been driving for 60 yrs plus and never hit anything......but you weren't 94 then were you , was my reply!
    I got " involved" with a lady, who is 90 in April. It started with me helping to walk her dog when she was poorly about 6/7 years ago. The dog now lives with us and goes to J in the day to keep her company. Her son and daughter live miles away, and I have been caught up in all sorts of things over the years. Waiting with her for ambulances for hours while in pain ( her not me!) more than once.....dealing with many issues re her carers that only I get to see are problems as I am there twice most days!! I would never have volunteered for this but have got gradually sucked in and no way out! I do my best but am not a " patient" person when she is confused and can't hardly talk.

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    Replies
    1. A slippery slope Frances, as we both know to our cost! I’ve got previous as my ex copper husband says and boy is he right... LameducksRUs! On balance I would rather be like this than what is becoming increasingly the norm, to not give a stuff about anyone!

      LX

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