It is early in the morning, peaceful with mist over a calm sea. All is quiet in my world, although from upstairs I hear the floorboards creak... please let him have gone back to sleep! After yesterday’s crabby post, I feel I should explain. I am becoming increasingly deaf, in the grand scheme of things... nothing! If you haven’t experienced it no amount of words come close to describing the alienation it brings. I am as you may have guessed a larger than life, in the main full of fun sort of a girl, always looking on the bright side. This has floored me. My superb hubs is full of concern and understanding. I marvel at how lovely he is with me. If it was the other way around, I am ashamed to say I wouldn’t be so kind. As on occasions he hasn’t heard me; that first snap of irritation, before I have even said anything in reply, stops me in my tracks and I realise what it must be like for him.
With the first inkling, you naturally think it is other people mumbling, well you would, wouldn’t you? Especially me with the well honed public speaking voice... some might say the timbre of a foghorn, shrinking violet me, couldn’t possibly say!
With the first inkling, you naturally think it is other people mumbling, well you would, wouldn’t you? Especially me with the well honed public speaking voice... some might say the timbre of a foghorn, shrinking violet me, couldn’t possibly say!
The next phase is denial, which is long and tortuous, then when you eventually pluck up courage to say
‘Sorry, I didn’t catch that, I am becoming increasingly deaf!’
A lot of times, their reply...
‘Pardon!’
To start with you laugh with them and pass it off. With each time it is said, the desire to hit them
grows.
Next... this is maybe the saddest or possibly the last phase is... (I will let you decide?) you
pretend you have heard them!
You smile, try and keep them talking all the while without a clue as to what is being said! A few ooh’s and ah’s keep them off the scent until they stop and expect a reply!?!
The last stage is solitude.
Your cotton wool world is preferable to the ducking and diving of being out and about in the hearing world.
FDAs?
‘Are you FDA’d?
he kindly enquired?
‘FDAs?’ I replied?
‘Flaming deaf aids!’ he said.
Unknowingly I had always scathingly referred to them as such!
Who would have known? At least it wasn’t the other F word!?!
‘Sorry, I didn’t catch that, I am becoming increasingly deaf!’
A lot of times, their reply...
‘Pardon!’
To start with you laugh with them and pass it off. With each time it is said, the desire to hit them
grows.
Next... this is maybe the saddest or possibly the last phase is... (I will let you decide?) you
pretend you have heard them!
You smile, try and keep them talking all the while without a clue as to what is being said! A few ooh’s and ah’s keep them off the scent until they stop and expect a reply!?!
The last stage is solitude.
Your cotton wool world is preferable to the ducking and diving of being out and about in the hearing world.
FDAs?
‘Are you FDA’d?
he kindly enquired?
‘FDAs?’ I replied?
‘Flaming deaf aids!’ he said.
Unknowingly I had always scathingly referred to them as such!
Who would have known? At least it wasn’t the other F word!?!
My OH has been deaf for years and finally succumbed to hearing aids a few years ago, but will only wear them when out socially. (Apparently you should wear them all the time to get your brain used to them ) I was accused of mumbling for many years, but have now learnt to stand right by him, if I need to tell him something. I remember nearly 25 years ago walking past a hedge on Jersey one evening when the crickets were going nuts in it and extremely loud to myself and our son.....OH couldn't hear them at all ! My Mum was very deaf and couldn't hear me even with the aids towards the end though she could hear my OH. Lower pitched voice I guess.
ReplyDeleteSee below Francis... that sneaky Heron nipped in while I was doing my reply. Added to which I hadn’t hit the reply button... perhaps what I said about dementia is a load of tosh... Disregard all, or cherry pick the ones that seem a tad sensible...
DeleteLX
Frances … that was how I discovered my husband was dear: crickets making a racket and he not hearing them! Snap! He only wears one hearing aid and then if it goes down (i.e. his hearing aid needs a new battery) he often just leaves it in, so his hearing is further blocked. It drives me nuts!
DeleteMargaret P
I am often accused of being deaf by she who matters. I am not though it is just that I am often concentrating on what I am doing and not paying attention to anyone or anything else. Another of my skills is the ability to fall asleep whilst typing on the keyboard and sitting upright, both of these attributes I learnt whist working in a busy office as a way of getting a rest after a lunchtime drinking session.
ReplyDeletePull the other one Heron! I’ve been there... not the falling asleep and drinking, mind!?!
DeleteLX
Remind OH that to ward off dementia your brain needs to be nimble. Wearing FDAs all the time is the way. I was exactly the same, my answer was why wear them when at home or gardening, seemed sensible to me... unfortunately not so! I do now wear them all the time, it did take me a long while to get to this point. Added to which you get used to the wall of sound that confronts you when you only wear them occasionally. Frances, give him a big hug from me...
ReplyDeleteLX
I did " mention" to him ages ago that wearing them all the time is much better for many reasons, but he is a person who always knows best!!
DeleteI don't think that " mentioning" dementia would go down very well! Thanks for the suggestion though. I will bear it in mind .
Is your tiling finished yet?
My brother is almost completely deaf and he got two hearing aids and refuses to wear them because 'he hates the background noise you get'. It's awful as he misses so much of the conversation now and he used to be a larger than life character, always fun to be around and now he's a shadow of his former self. I feel sad not to be able to persuade him to try harder with the fda's! Maybe I'll try the dementia route, that should pull him up surely! I hope you soon get used to them and feel more 'connected' again. xx
ReplyDeleteI know what he means but it is a fact that if you persist in wearing them, the brain readjusts and after a while it start filtering out the unnecessary bits. It does take persistence though. x
DeleteYes, it does take persistence, however the thought of losing my marbles along with my hearing was the one thing that made me stop messing about! I now wear them both, although I did query why I needed two when it was one ear that was worse than the other? Their reply was to help the brain balance the hearing and process the information correctly. It all makes so much sense. I now totally get it, after years of denial. Perhaps get your brother to read this, it may make him reevalute his isolating stance. I do hope so and wish him well, I am happy to help in any way I can tell him. Life is too blooming short to waste a second of.
DeleteLX
My dad always says you have lenses for both eyes when you wear glasses, and this is similar.
DeleteI totally understand, having had a diagnosed hearing loss for decades now. Hearing aids are great but they don't totally remedy the problem in the way glasses do.
ReplyDeleteAll of what you said above I can relate to. It's incredibly isolating and, as you say, it can be an utter misery to be part of a crowd and have no idea what is going on. Your laughs are always a split second too late and responses can be inappropriate.
However kind people are (and they aren't always), it is a hidden disability that impact on just about every part of my life and it's hard.
There are plenty of things that help out there but they come with a price. I have some phonak hearing 'pens' that were provided by the wonderful 'Access to Work' people but this government (spit) shut this down. I have things that really help with hearing the telly which is major.
But it is isolating and exhausting. Sorry for the miserable post, I'm usually a very happy person but this hit a chord with me. I am very grateful for my aids (it would be a silent world without them) and all the other bits and bobs that help so much.
xxx
Don’t be sorry Joy, if we only get a few hearing people to understand then we have done a good job between us.
DeleteThere have been two programmes on the television that have highlighted big time what a disability deafness is. One was a long time ago. A group of people with the full range of disabilities went on an outward bound course. At the end of the course the one with hearing loss was the surprise to all to be the one that had the most isolating experience of the whole group. The other programme was a ‘celebrity’ that was spending a full day as a disabled person. Of all, from blindness to the many other physical disabilities, deafness was the one that gave him the most stress in his 24 hour day. So much so he bottled out and to get away from it all, went to bed really early. Says a lot!
LX
Yes, it says it all. People just don;t get it until they really get it! And it is lifelong and doesn't improve just gets worse.
DeleteMy husband wears hearing aids. I should also, but keep putting it off. They are very expensive and I keep telling myself that I can hear most things unless there is loud background noise. I am lying to myself.
ReplyDeleteI am afraid you are darling girl! Don’t sell yourself short... you are so worth it!
ReplyDeleteLX
I just did it a few years ago. I wear my hair rather short, and they are apparent to folks who squint. I don't care!
ReplyDeleteWhy should we try and hide the fact, what is the difference between FDAs and glasses? No one takes the slightest bit of notice of folk wearing spec’s!. Not to care is the way Joanne, I’m with you. I still get cross with this ageing process though.
ReplyDeleteLX
You're not alone. On top of it all, I have friends who always speak low. Love my friends, hate that I have so much trouble hearing them. Haven't faced the reality yet. Ranee (MN)
ReplyDeleteThe first step is always the worst, just do it, liberate yourself. I still don’t know why we make it such a problem, we would dither about if our eyesight was failing! Go for it Ranee... good luck!
DeleteLX
Love the ping pong balls
ReplyDeleteImagine the size of the oysters!?!
DeleteLX
I hope, you have convinced me, to take the plunge.
ReplyDeleteI so need to get hearing aids. So!!!!!!!
And I just popped in here, on your blog, now.
Syncrinosity works for me. I know it does. So I'd better believe that is why, I am here, right now.
I really need to do this. -sigh-
If I go through with it, I will tell you.
And thank you, yet again.