You know how...

it is? You step out on a bright sunny winters morning, shades on looking for all the world like the  Meryl Streep personage you’d like you think you are?  Mae West on a bad day might be closer to the truth!  Clean, with an empty tum in the very likely event you will be put on the scales?  Your yearly check up is long overdue and you want to look the picture of health obv!  In the blink of an eye the BP monitor was clapped on my arm.

‘Err...!’ I feebly said ‘My blood pressure will be off the scale that is why I have taken my readings at home!’

The nurse brushed my burbling aside, just as I was about to trot out my next line of defence... white coat syndrome.

‘Well it’s quite good! she said.

Probably because I thought I was bomb proof by my last skirmish.  All eventualities I thought had been covered so I strolled in quite the cool dude hence the nearly normal reading.

On my walk into town in a side street I spied this.

Walking away I thought I like the look of that, I wonder if it has been left out for the bin men?

Once out of the surgery, bloods taken, I was off on a mission.  As I crested the hill I could see it was still there...

Oh deep joy!

I knocked on the door with the hope that it had in fact been put out for collection.  

No reply!  Across the road were two men working on a car.  I explained my mission and one of them said well that is a holiday cottage.  Oh dear!  What to do now?  I must have looked  crestfallen as he then went on to say that a car had pulled up with two women in it and offloaded it.

‘What do you mean... fly tipping?’

‘I suppose you could say that!’

There and then I decided my mission was twofold, one to do my bit for the planet and two to carry home this wonderful piece of  artwork.  Casually I strolled over and lifted the thing up, well that was the intention... the flaming thing weighed a ton, solid cast iron. I literally couldn’t even carry it a yard let alone the hundreds and hundreds of yards to my gate.  All the while my mind was thinking of the wagon appearing over the hill to take the rubbish away.  Husband was out with the car, how was I going to get it home especially as I was so very ’weak’ from the blood lost in the surgery!?!  The men carried on tinkering with ne’er a care as I huffed and puffed.  A lady appeared with a dog and offered to help me carry it.  Well the two of us got it a couple of yards, when I said don’t worry I will battle on alone.  There was nothing of her, the dog was getting worried and I felt I’ve got myself into this pickle.  It was my crazy idea when all was said and done!  As she left she said why don’t you walk it home.  That was a master stroke.  Side to side I slowly crabbed along.  It then started to rain, I carried on regardless with each manoeuvre getting harder.  The tarmac has the scars to prove
‘LL wos here!’
 What happens if a car comes along this narrow lane I thought between moves as I endeavoured to get my breath?  And what happens if I drop the ruddy thing on my toe?  Flat on the ground it would be impossible to lift!  I was committed now... some might say I should be committed?  Round the corner five lads from the college came with their Subway snacks they had nipped out to get between lessons.  Now I never play the feeble female card normally... this most definitely wasn’t normal!  Boy, not only did I play it but I played the old dear card as well... shame!
Meryl Streep/Mae West came riding to the rescue as my persona as if by magic took on that of a 
very feeble old dear.  Method acting eat your heart out!

‘If you just carry it to the college, I can do the rest!’

The five boys set too, the shock on their faces as they realised the weight of it was a picture.  They carried it home for me.  What super stars.  Cans and a note will find it’s way a few doors up to the college.  

I now wait to see the husband’s face when he gets back?