Did you know that as ‘Lockdown 2, The Sequel’ threatens our very existence I have decided now is the perfect opportunity to study the life of rats. My very ‘off the wall’ idea is, I might apply to go on Mastermind, bearing in mind my success on Masterchef, one of my specialist subjects could be the life and times of the very upper-crust Ludlow rat. A far more refined rat than your usual London sewer rat, you understand?
Added to which as I sit reclining in my recliner, well I would wouldn’t I? It would be churlish as I gaze out into the Wrenery to not acknowledge the rats ever creeping bare faced cheek of not giving a stuff about our presence. Let’s face it they were here first, so I suppose I don’t blame them.
As I sit and watch their antics just a pane of glass thickness away, the thing that comes to mind is that it would appear there is enough meat on a rat’s tale to feed a family of four. That is obviously if lockdown really bites and folk can’t get out to Aldi!
Our live and let live mantra has sadly gone out of the window, because during lockdown they are bound to be bonking for Boris so the patter of tiny feet won’t only be heard in Downing Street. The rat I have seen not only has a very meaty tail but a suspiciously fat tummy to add insult to injury.
I hardly know how to admit to this but himself has invested in a very humane way to despatch of the aforesaid furry family.
The Pest Stop Electronic Rat Killer is his new toy. Primed with peanut butter we have set it up for a few freebie nights of
‘Eat Out to Help Out’ an idea lifted from one Rishi Sunak. Once lulled into trusting; the Albert Pierrepoint of Ludlow will turn on the power.
Err, there is one snag though, thus far the rats have given the peanut butter a disdainful whisker quiver of disapproval, sensibly leaving well alone!
Maybe I should sit at home scoffing peanut butter and let the rat take my place on Mastermind... specialist subject...
‘Gormless Human Beings Trying and Failing to make their way in the Rat Race’
Try Rolos.
ReplyDeleteGood thinking, maybe out of a tube the rats might get one or maybe two? It is years since I’ve had a Rolo!
DeleteLX
I wouldn't give them any more than that, they surely don't desrve more.
DeleteInterestingly enough Rolos are an engendered species in Ludlow! The man yesterday set off on a ‘I might be gone some time!’ sort of sortie. Little did I think he might not return!?! On the cusp of posting him as missing, he staggered in, foot sore from pounding the streets looking for sodding Rolos! The Cadbury's equivalent in a bar haven’t been received that well by the
Deleterat, holding out for the real Rolo Mcoy methinks!?!
LX
You know, where there is one rat there are many more! Next they climb up the wall, through the bedroom window looking for a warm place to spend the night.... It may not be the husbands hairy legs you're feeling!
ReplyDeleteTry some bird food, worked for us!
I think it was the birds banquet which was the attraction!?! I never do anything in half measures, bet you may have already guessed that Moni?
DeleteLX