we don’t seem to do things in halves, well to be more exact I don’t seem to do things in halves! In my wisdom I thought it a good idea while Ellie was safely in the kennels we ought to use the time to go and see my dearest friend/‘Mum’ down in Kent. Now for those that read my blog may remember the heartache caused by my love and worry for Audrey who for the last three years has been making a very good attempt at dying and I ought to say failing! My health was suffering as a consequence. We were developing into a typical mother daughter relationship with daggers drawn, oozing with love but drawn all the same! Husband and all friends who could see the toll that our move to Hythe was having on us both, suggested we move away. After much soul searching I agreed and strange to say the knock-on effect of my relationship with Audrey was an immediate improvement.
Audrey celebrated her 95th birthday in September and still is hanging on by a thread, still in her own flat, still very mentally agile, however her body is being ravaged by three years of virtual constant diarrhoea. Any lesser mortal would have thrown in the towel long ago. My love and admiration for her knows no bounds. Her reception of us moving was just as so many had said... positive and happy for us to enjoy our lives.
Back to my cunning plan...
‘Would it be an idea for us as Ellie is safe to shoot off down to Kent while we can?’
Himself looked at me with a wind pain smile, all the while thinking left hand corner (North West coast of Scotland) to right hand corner (South East of England), the woman must be mad!
On paper seems okay, especially as 40 years ago I set off to do just that: to drive up to start my new life on a croft in the Highlands in my little Morris Minor, the sole driver, cat meowing in the back all the way. Err... trouble was I was forty frigging years younger, a mere bagatelle!
We did it, me taking cakes, biscuits, pressure cooker to cook for the ‘boys’, my crofter old neighbours. Then with a day back home in Ludlow in order for me to do more baking to take, we set off to Kent. Audrey was okay, but very frail, having luckily two reasonably quiet loo days. The visit was a success, she loved seeing us. We were going to take her out for lunch, maybe a step too far with her tum? She called the shots on that decision so we had a picnic in her sitting room, talking and catching up all the while. I think we both knew as we said goodbye this might be the last time. I, of all her friends am the only one who she can talk frankly with about dying, her other chums say they want her to carry on to get her telegram from the Queen. She is ready for the off and who can blame her? We talk on FaceTime most days and keep up with all that is going on on our lives. If I could be a tiny bit as tenacious and brave as her I would be happy!
My old croft in the Highlands
So lovely for Audrey to see you again, and you won't have any regrets if that was the last time! My old lady that I used to look after died suddenly in July and I didn't have the chance to " say goodbye". ( I may have told you this? ) I was a sort of " daughter" to her as her own lives 3 hours away and rarely came, and her son only came once a week in the latter years.
ReplyDeleteAudrey’s son has lots of issues of his own so they hardly see each other, although he does love his mum! This elderly time bomb, governments can’t say they didn’t see coming? Added to which families don’t seem to care the same as they did a while back.
DeleteLX
It is so good that Audrey is still mentally agile and I am sure she loved seeing you.
ReplyDeleteYes, she did. I think we all thought when we drove away to move to Ludlow that would be the last one we would see each other. I was due to go down and see her on my own a couple of months ago. She cried off due to her tum being particularly bad at that time. This trip we were all determined come what may, to be together and it worked!
DeleteLX
That was a brave and kind thing to go and visit Audrey, something for both of you.
ReplyDeleteI don’t know about brave Thelma? She is such an indomitable woman I have the utmost respect for her. She is to all intents and purposes... my mum, not having had one since mine died aged 48 back in 1971. We both spoke candidly about her dying, I’m the only one she can with strangely. Although in true Audrey tradition she is not ready to admit to it at this precise moment in time!
DeleteLX
That was some trip you were on. I too have a very elderly second mum (I still have my own mum too though) she is my lovely neighbour. She's 92 and is now very frail and at the beginning of the year she had to go into a home as her lack of mobility had become a danger to her. Her house has just this past week been sold by her family and I both dread and look forward to having new neighbours. My visit to her isn't quite as distant as your own, she's just round the corner from us now, but every time I leave her I'm convinced it will be the last time I see her and it upsets me. But like your friend she's ready to bow out. She's tired, she's lost all her friends, she's now surrounded by people who are 'old' (her words lol) and most have dementia which must be a nightmare for her as she is still as sharp as ever. I 'get' that she's ready to go but I can't bear to let her! I'm so glad you were able to pop down for a visit to Audrey while Ellie was safely in kennels as I'm sure you won't want to leave Ellie again any time soon! Can I also say I'm hugely impressed that Audrey does Facetime! And last but not least, how cute is your old croft. What a view you had. xx
ReplyDeleteTwo mums MG... I might have known! No, you’re right we won’t be leaving Ellie anytime soon. It has been a nightmare for us and for her, we all now just want to settle to a normal, relaxed day to day carry on. We have a behaviourist coming on Tuesday, more for us than her! Ellie is one strong dog and has very determined ideas about things She causes comments wherever we go as she is such a cute dog, although still very, very nervous. I have been usurped as the leading diva around here, which I ought to say doesn’t go down to well! Two hairy heaps jockeying for position wasn’t what himself had in mind, like most men, just a quiet life!?! Peace will be obtained, with a huge dollop of fairy dust... hopefully?
DeleteIt was fabulous to go back and relive my past life with two Highlanders I care so much about and them me, Hubs just sat and enjoyed our reminiscing...
LX
So happy you made the time and effort to go back to visit Audrey. Did she enjoy hearing of Ellie?
ReplyDeleteI haven’t written much lately about Audrey because I did feel an awful lot of guilt around leaving her. She took it in her stride as only a woman of her intellectual standing would... I should have known!
DeleteOur keeping in touch via FaceTime is a boon, she can see the improvements we have made, gets a glimpse of Ellie and as you say is interested to know how things are progressing on the training front. She often says it’s almost as good as being here. Her mind is as sharp as ever. My lovely Mum!
LX
Please would you consider blogging about your life in the highlands. I'm sure we would all love to hear about your years up there and what prompted such a move.
ReplyDeleteA lovely idea, I might just do that, thanks for the suggestion.
DeleteLX