a book.
Well two to be exact,
Dorian Gray
and Silas Marner
my favourite characters I feel I am morphing into.
As Audrey gets stronger and more ebullient I get greyer, more pale and wan, wrinkles chase across my face, my chops are falling away, my stoop is getting stooped with the weight of the worry I carry constantly in a rucksack on my aching back.
In the meantime Audrey (Mum) gets chirper, chipper and more cordon bleu every second. Cordon being the operative word as I will shortly be throwing one around her to rein her in. When she hits the whiskey and the Kettle crisps I will know for sure she is big time back! I on the other hand wither, fade and die.
Peel me a grape someone!
Silas Marner sits and counts his pile of gold coins. Much the same as I do as I rootle around in the back of the cupboard and make nourishing soup out of dead washing up cloths and furry bowls of who knows what hiding shyly in the depths of the fridge. The savings you wouldn’t believe?
The potmeister i.e. me sleeps fitfully at night: dreams, heavy with the worry of my many Swiss numbered accounts drifting across my moon cratered face as I toss and turn and wonder how to spend the fruits of my culinary money saving labours? I don’t mind admitting the idea of a world cruise with the piggy-back pennies isn’t an option. Or even climbing into a plane and jetting off somewhere exotic has lost its appeal. Even the thought of a trip to the pub is strangely alien.
Oh woe is me! I sadly and disconsolately think as I sit with the gold slipping smoothly through my grasping mitts.
Oh dear L, you seem to feel a bit like myself - all at odds and sods. I wanted to go out today for 'a run' - in the car you understand! Could I think of place to go with no people? No I could not. All the places we usually go to end in a nice tea room with cake and coffee! People will be there, I don't want to meet people yet.
ReplyDeleteAs for worry about Audrey. You know she will die one day, that is a given. We all will. You will miss her when she's gone, that too is a given. You will find a way to get by with your grief and rely on memories - all the good and none of the bad. She is going to die alone, we all do. No matter how many are round the bed, we go off the coil alone. Enjoy every moment you have with her now. For all you know you could go before her! Worrying will change not a jot. Particularly in these damn pandemic times. So, I think you're fed up and need to shake things up. Put on some music and invite hubby to dance, get dressed up to go out and don't go out, order in a gourmet meal and enjoy and find your joy again. Audrey would expect nothing less. I am going to take my own advice here - its almost like you read the blog post I have currently in drafts!! Smile, your dog loves you!! xx
You’ve heard of ‘Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells, well today I feel ‘That way Out of Ludlow’. It will pass.
DeleteYou’re a wise old bird MG. I particularly like the bit about we die alone, even with spectators looking on. How true that is.
LXX
The wait is awful. Humor Audrey.
ReplyDeleteIt is awful, I want to do more than I can, in these strange times, although she doesn’t want my help! I am humouring her by giving her space to contact me, rather than me fussing... it is hard though!
DeleteLX